Tagged by the Queen

I was tagged by Queen of My Castle

Here are the rules:

1.link the person who tagged you…
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged…

Well, well, well (konga, konga, konga)

Here we go…

1. I appear very strong because I often keep a fierce-looking face, thanks, in part, to my stint with the Army through secondary school. I also have a very high tolerance level that I can accommodate bull shit to the brim. But inside of me I am as hard as cheese. I usually hold back from crying a lot, whereas people think am trying not to kill someone. At the same time, I can damn all the consequences and just go MAD without care!

2. I am an unusual mix of care-free, careless and extremely careful. To date, I watch both sides of the road at least 2ce each before I cross. In all of my examinations from Sec. Sch., I have not finished more than 100 courses because I believed all I needed was to pass, not necessarily in flying colours. I never forget anything. I still have some lines I learnt in Pry 2 in my head and can re-write them verbatim. But I can choose to erase my memory of something such that I will never recall a thing about it.

3. I stopped copying notes in JSS 2, i.e. 2^nd yr in junior high. To date, I keep the most important things of my life in my head. It has really boosted my retentive capacity but it also meant I never got any free marks for complete notes. Plus, I have been severally asked to leave the class because I appeared totally unserious. I graduated from the University in the middle of the class without notes! I have barely ever stopped reading all of my life. I don’t use the calculator because my head is actually faster than most I have tried to use.

4. I was the king of love notes in sec. Sch. and have had a way with words and advising my friends on relationships but I dint have one till I turned 25, which I practically begged for.lol. We broke up when I was still twenty-5, barely 3 months actually. (I am now in the ‘only’ thing I call a relationship. 1 year and 2 months and counting.)’Am still a master flirt though, but I never go beyond that, never! I love my woman to bits. E no easy to get wetin I get! Even sef, I don dey old.

5. I usually say that I speak 5 languages fluently: Igbo, my native one. The first I learnt actually. I can read, write, speak and understand it. Yoruba, the environmental language. I live in Lagos where the language is predominantly spoken by the settlers. I can also read, write and understand it. English, the third I learnt and had to speak ‘correctly’ to get qualified and transferred to a private school. French, I got my degree here actually. Same story as with the others. I speak other languages in bits and pieces but Ibibio leads that pack. My fifth language is PIDGIN! I am so competent here that I even form words, slangs and stuff. I’m the biggest advocate for the legitimisation of its use! That is why I can’t stand when am told not to speak in vernacular because I am speaking a language other than English.

6. Yes. Time for the big bang! I am from a family of 1 dad, 1 mom and 9 boys; now men. I am the 2^nd and have 7 younger ones. I am arguably the shortest at 1.75m in height. I am not sure how to place myself because some say I am fine but I grew in the firm belief that I am (still) ugly. (facebook: search ‘Cheely Chi’).I would like to repeat, or surpass, this particular feat but I hear that there is an irrecoverable short supply of women who can pair up with me. So, I am just going to stick to what my wife says.

Yes! I didn’t think I was ever going to get thru with this. I have tried. Now ‘am going to tag… Carl, Bighead, Princessa, Solomonsydelle, Smaragd and Uzezi.

I am a murderer!!!

Hey there,

It’s been a very long time since I last blogged. Not that I don’t have anything to say to you guys ‘cause I’ve been having the time of my life, I mean, both ways: good and bad. I’ve also been busier than any bee in the world because work has been offensively stressful. Worse off, the pay isn’t still great. I hope some of you know where I work so u can do well to avoid it or negotiate better before you take up any offer.

I bet you are wondering why I titled this so; it’s simple. For those conversant with Bible stories, remember when Jesus said any man who considered sleeping with a woman had done so already by thinking it in his mind…yeah, that’s it. I have killed a couple of people in my mind. I’m just waiting for them to die physically or survive it with a permanent scar to show for it. To be utterly frank, if I had rat poison yesterday, Friday, I would have poisoned some guys in my office. Don’t worry I would have shot some others long before then. So, following Jesus’ words, I am murderer. This is why.

There is a guy at my office I have done everything to manage but to no avail. His mouth is never shitless because he has it permanently stuck to the bosses’ arses. He’d kill to be noticed and kill more to retain such undue praises. Now, I don’t know if the bosses are oblivious of this or deliberately leading him on to keep ass-kissing and bitching all over the place. These guys are supposed to be pros but I am not sorry to say that they are bastards themselves in more ways than one. Unfortunately, one other idiot has found his own reasons to become an arse as well. I can’t believe my life right now. It’s all funny.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way a nice guy, and neither have I ever bothered to be on the good books of anyone. I take criticisms, which I prefer to praises, because they make me better by the day but I can never stand back-stabbing and ass-kissing! In my stay in this firm, I have made a few marks that not many people know and the few who do scarcely bother to give me the credits. I won’t go into this now; am going to leave it for another day. I hate most of my bosses now because they are either blind or bastards!

Back to being a bad guy, the truth is this; I have no fear, apologies or reasons to avoid collisions that must happen. The reason is very simple too: I hate people who rather than apologise for mistakes and make amends towards avoidance in the future, want to put up an attitude and CREATE reasons for their failure. I will never stand it! Not for all the money in the world.

Right now, I am the rebel of all time in my place of work because I have had face-offs at a time or the other with most people in the firm. I have also been the item of our general meeting for blasting that many people in my way. That meeting may have paved the way for my exit but fortunately, 2 of my bosses had the presence of mind not only to speak the truth but to logically defeat all the talk against me. I still thank God for it, because I jolly well may have resigned for that simple reason.

You must think by now that I am either perfect, or terribly adamant, even when I am wrong. Good. I am not at all perfect: in fact, I gave it up to fulfil my human-ness – imperfection that is. Secondly, I have a funny reputation for the best apologies. On two different occasions, I ended up apologising to two of my female colleagues after very hot arguments. On both cases I went on my knees publicly, which marvelled everyone around especially those who really believed there was nothing good about me. The day the issue came up at the office meeting, those two days clearly stood in my favour, and exonerated me as not being proud. But yes, you are correct. I am very adamant. I admit that I can be too much of a believer sometimes but I endeavour not to be blinded by myself.

‘Am glad I have been able to fix things with the other idiot and he’s back to being a correct guy. Thanks to a 30-minute project members’ meeting that saw my voice rise through the better part of it. Fortunately, my belief in collective leadership helped me ensure that I didn’t lord myself over any of my men. I can breathe now, but I am yet to decide what to do to the professional cock-sucker. Anyway, he’s off my chat list, facebook, hi5, and other fun stuff. Soon, he’ll be left with 2 ½ means of communicating with me: office email, colleagues and short, concise and very direct talk, like, “Can I have the file please?” and I point to where it may be without a word.

Finally, don’t just read this and leave me a comment. Please pray for me ok. I am Catholic so that tells you that I believe in God!

Marriage: a societal obligation?

Recently, I was reading a recent edition of Awake! by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s the one about moral decadence and stuff. It brought something to my mind; what had been bugging me for a while now. It was actually the topic of discussion among my friends and I some weeks ago. I remember once on a local TV, Inside Out with Agatha Amata, it was discussed openly with guests. I don’t remember exactly who said what but there were arguments in support of the action, but in the favour of men. It’s extra-marital affairs. I can’t say if this occurs where you are but there are reports that these are on the steady rise around the world.

I understand when people say marriage requires maturity. I completely agree. I only have an issue with maturity itself. What does it mean to be mature? I would easily agree if it’s said to be a process given the changes in human life. But does the maturity for marriage entail the shameless betrayal of vows and the uncanny demand for allegiance and faithfulness of spouses. I believe what is good for the goose is good for the gander, and most would agree too. So, I ask myself why this is so bloody rampant these days.

I must admit here that I have played my dirty part in this shame. I can’t exonerate myself from it; I’d be telling a big lie. In any case, I didn’t originate any of my involvements. It only happened that there were needs that I helped fulfill, of which I still feel guilty by association and I am sorry. To me, the real issue is, why start something you can’t keep with? Why get married if one can’t stay in it. It’s so stale to find married men with single women in sexual compromise. Since there’s no crime in being single, or having children outside marriage why then get married and ’sleep out’? Some men even abandon their families for their ‘girlfriends’. I don’t how good that feels when compared to the woman leaving for a much younger man: may be her own son’s age. Some other men believe that once they provide for the home and service their wives, then there’s no need to complain. Can the woman trade places with the man, or service her husband and carry on to other men since she has performed her duty as a wife? Ask any man this.

I believe that marriage has become a societal obligation because it’s the society that really bothers younger ones to get married. Yet, the same society openly condones the moral decadence within it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not calling for a perfect society but what is the point in pressuring people to get married if there’s no encouragement to uphold it. Parents advise their children to get married without having left (m)any good reasons and examples to foster a good union. The funniest part of this is that the men who cheat on their wives, especially with far younger women, insist on the fidelity of wives to them and can readily shoot any man who goes near their daughters. I have this friend who ‘celebrated’ his last day as a bachelor with a woman other than his proposed wife and started sleeping out the same week of his wedding!

To most women, “men are dogs” and men just simply agree in character. But then, these “dogs” are not homosexuals. Women help make them what they are so, who’s fooling who? Worse off, this has fed the mentality of most women I know. To them, a faithful man is a perfect pretender. Do men also look out for a homely “bitch” to take care of the home and kids? I wonder.