Tagged by the Queen

Posted in Blogroll, Life, Myself, Pecularities, Relationship, Tagged on May 4, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

I was tagged by Queen of My Castle

Here are the rules:

1.link the person who tagged you…
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged…

Well, well, well (konga, konga, konga)

Here we go…

1. I appear very strong because I often keep a fierce-looking face, thanks, in part, to my stint with the Army through secondary school. I also have a very high tolerance level that I can accommodate bull shit to the brim. But inside of me I am as hard as cheese. I usually hold back from crying a lot, whereas people think am trying not to kill someone. At the same time, I can damn all the consequences and just go MAD without care!

2. I am an unusual mix of care-free, careless and extremely careful. To date, I watch both sides of the road at least 2ce each before I cross. In all of my examinations from Sec. Sch., I have not finished more than 100 courses because I believed all I needed was to pass, not necessarily in flying colours. I never forget anything. I still have some lines I learnt in Pry 2 in my head and can re-write them verbatim. But I can choose to erase my memory of something such that I will never recall a thing about it.

3. I stopped copying notes in JSS 2, i.e. 2nd yr in junior high. To date, I keep the most important things of my life in my head. It has really boosted my retentive capacity but it also meant I never got any free marks for complete notes. Plus, I have been severally asked to leave the class because I appeared totally unserious. I graduated from the University in the middle of the class without notes! I have barely ever stopped reading all of my life. I don’t use the calculator because my head is actually faster than most I have tried to use.

4. I was the king of love notes in sec. Sch. and have had a way with words and advising my friends on relationships but I dint have one till I turned 25, which I practically begged for.lol. We broke up when I was still twenty-5, barely 3 months actually. (I am now in the ‘only’ thing I call a relationship. 1 year and 2 months and counting.)’Am still a master flirt though, but I never go beyond that, never! I love my woman to bits. E no easy to get wetin I get! Even sef, I don dey old.

5. I usually say that I speak 5 languages fluently: Igbo, my native one. The first I learnt actually. I can read, write, speak and understand it. Yoruba, the environmental language. I live in Lagos where the language is predominantly spoken by the settlers. I can also read, write and understand it. English, the third I learnt and had to speak ‘correctly’ to get qualified and transferred to a private school. French, I got my degree here actually. Same story as with the others. I speak other languages in bits and pieces but Ibibio leads that pack. My fifth language is PIDGIN! I am so competent here that I even form words, slangs and stuff. I’m the biggest advocate for the legitimisation of its use! That is why I can’t stand when am told not to speak in vernacular because I am speaking a language other than English.

6. Yes. Time for the big bang! I am from a family of 1 dad, 1 mom and 9 boys; now men. I am the 2nd and have 7 younger ones. I am arguably the shortest at 1.75m in height. I am not sure how to place myself because some say I am fine but I grew in the firm belief that I am (still) ugly. (facebook: search ‘Cheely Chi’).I would like to repeat, or surpass, this particular feat but I hear that there is an irrecoverable short supply of women who can pair up with me. So, I am just going to stick to what my wife says.

Yes! I didn’t think I was ever going to get thru with this. I have tried. Now ‘am going to tag… Carl, Bighead, Princessa, Solomonsydelle, Smaragd and Uzezi.

I am a murderer!!!

Posted in Frienship, Myself, Pecularities, Relationship, Work on March 30, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

Hey there,

It’s been a very long time since I last blogged. Not that I don’t have anything to say to you guys ‘cause I’ve been having the time of my life, I mean, both ways: good and bad. I’ve also been busier than any bee in the world because work has been offensively stressful. Worse off, the pay isn’t still great. I hope some of you know where I work so u can do well to avoid it or negotiate better before you take up any offer.

I bet you are wondering why I titled this so; it’s simple. For those conversant with Bible stories, remember when Jesus said any man who considered sleeping with a woman had done so already by thinking it in his mind…yeah, that’s it. I have killed a couple of people in my mind. I’m just waiting for them to die physically or survive it with a permanent scar to show for it. To be utterly frank, if I had rat poison yesterday, Friday, I would have poisoned some guys in my office. Don’t worry I would have shot some others long before then. So, following Jesus’ words, I am murderer. This is why.

There is a guy at my office I have done everything to manage but to no avail. His mouth is never shitless because he has it permanently stuck to the bosses’ arses. He’d kill to be noticed and kill more to retain such undue praises. Now, I don’t know if the bosses are oblivious of this or deliberately leading him on to keep ass-kissing and bitching all over the place. These guys are supposed to be pros but I am not sorry to say that they are bastards themselves in more ways than one. Unfortunately, one other idiot has found his own reasons to become an arse as well. I can’t believe my life right now. It’s all funny.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way a nice guy, and neither have I ever bothered to be on the good books of anyone. I take criticisms, which I prefer to praises, because they make me better by the day but I can never stand back-stabbing and ass-kissing! In my stay in this firm, I have made a few marks that not many people know and the few who do scarcely bother to give me the credits. I won’t go into this now; am going to leave it for another day. I hate most of my bosses now because they are either blind or bastards!

Back to being a bad guy, the truth is this; I have no fear, apologies or reasons to avoid collisions that must happen. The reason is very simple too: I hate people who rather than apologise for mistakes and make amends towards avoidance in the future, want to put up an attitude and CREATE reasons for their failure. I will never stand it! Not for all the money in the world.

Right now, I am the rebel of all time in my place of work because I have had face-offs at a time or the other with most people in the firm. I have also been the item of our general meeting for blasting that many people in my way. That meeting may have paved the way for my exit but fortunately, 2 of my bosses had the presence of mind not only to speak the truth but to logically defeat all the talk against me. I still thank God for it, because I jolly well may have resigned for that simple reason.

You must think by now that I am either perfect, or terribly adamant, even when I am wrong. Good. I am not at all perfect: in fact, I gave it up to fulfil my human-ness – imperfection that is. Secondly, I have a funny reputation for the best apologies. On two different occasions, I ended up apologising to two of my female colleagues after very hot arguments. On both cases I went on my knees publicly, which marvelled everyone around especially those who really believed there was nothing good about me. The day the issue came up at the office meeting, those two days clearly stood in my favour, and exonerated me as not being proud. But yes, you are correct. I am very adamant. I admit that I can be too much of a believer sometimes but I endeavour not to be blinded by myself.

‘Am glad I have been able to fix things with the other idiot and he’s back to being a correct guy. Thanks to a 30-minute project members’ meeting that saw my voice rise through the better part of it. Fortunately, my belief in collective leadership helped me ensure that I didn’t lord myself over any of my men. I can breathe now, but I am yet to decide what to do to the professional cock-sucker. Anyway, he’s off my chat list, facebook, hi5, and other fun stuff. Soon, he’ll be left with 2 ½ means of communicating with me: office email, colleagues and short, concise and very direct talk, like, “Can I have the file please?” and I point to where it may be without a word.

Finally, don’t just read this and leave me a comment. Please pray for me ok. I am Catholic so that tells you that I believe in God!

My friend from Pry 4

Posted in 9ja, Blogroll, Culture, Frienship, Life, Memories, Pecularities on January 12, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

Guys, yesterday was one of those days that remind me that I truly have a weird gift of an incredibly retentive memory, believe me. This is what happened…

From childhood…

I started my schooling at a very popular but degenerated school. It was one of the schools that the government seized form the missioners: St. Dominic’s Catholic School, and St. Patrick’s School. They are both within the premises of the very popular St. Dominic’s Catholic Church at Yaba. I schooled there between 1985 and 1987 from Pry 1 to Pry 3 1/3. I left in the middle of the 1st term that year.

This school was full of my kind; ghetto kids receiving paid attempts by teachers, or so they were called, and coming from a very good background of determined but partly educated parents, I (with my 2 brothers: one elder, one younger) was always seen as special cases. “Special” here meant more flogging and stuff for small time offences. But I am grateful because it has paid off for the better. Anyway, I remember clearly that I never saw myself as one of them and was very excited when my mom informed us (me and my brothers) that she was moving us to another school: the University of Lagos Staff School! It was generally called Staff School.

I have a lot of small-time memories about the school but my all-time favourite one was when my mom told us that the children we were going to be meeting spoke only “English” in the new school therefore, we should start speaking good English. I never had a problem with reading when I was younger so my subconscious English was good. In the school we spoke only two languages: Pidgin and Yoruba, both of which I still speak, read and write with competence. The problem then became who to speak good English with. My brothers and I had been banned from speaking either of our school languages at home so we were confined to Igbo, our native tongue (which we were completely competent at) and sign language as none of us was sure of our ‘good English.’ Anyway, my parents noticed the unusual silence and loud Igbo dependence at home and started insisting that we spoke good English. I remember my brother lamenting: “Ke udi nsogbu bu nk’a. Ha anaghi akuzi anyi English na school! Soso Yoruba ka ha n’akuzi anyi, unu we si k’anyi na-asu English. Mnshew! (What kind of trouble is this. They don’t teach us English in school. It’s only Yoruba they teach us and you (my parents) want us to speak English. *Hiss!)

As time dragged on, we got closer to resuming at Staff School and ‘good English’ was not forthcoming. My parents now told us we were going to remain at our current school if we did not speak English, and having mouthed to those who cared to listen that we were leaving, I did not want to remain there and become the butt of all jokes. Besides, in my mind, I had resumed at Staff School! See small pickin mind. Anyway, on this fateful day, after school, we were trekking home; a roughly estimated 3km distance stretching through a very busy road that had seen me get knocked high off the ground in 1986. I was walking really fast and had my brothers well behind me. As a matter of upbringing, we never stray from each other. So, I turned and in a bit to hurry them to join me, something pricked me to speak ‘good English’. I had the liberty to choose from the banned languages (as my parents were not here) and the native one but I was determined to obey my instinct so I uttered the words: “Hurry up, now!” My brothers had come close enough to hear me clearly, and in utter disbelief, my elder one asked me to repeat myself. So I did. We ran through the rest of the 3km journey home just to announce that we had qualified to go to the new school. I had finally spoken good English and salvaged the pack! From then on, good English flowed on around the house to the point where it was discouraged for Igbo. But the banned languages were never liberated. We now speak them as grown ups after many fights.

At Staff School, everything was totally different! Here, local languages were not taught therefore we could not boast of speaking better Yoruba or Igbo than them. And good English was so well spoken here. In fact, it was the first time I saw a herd of people speaking good English in my entire life, which seriously intimidated me. But as was the case at home when Yoruba and Pidgin were banned, sign language and silence came to my rescue. I still don’t know how my brother managed in his class. He was ahead of me by one year so, we only met during breaks and after school. I remember he beat the hell out of a boy once, Akinola, for laughing at him. He never really explained why he beat him that badly but I can guess today that good English must have contributed its quota.

My most memorable days in that school were in Pry 2, Pry 4 and Pry 6 but Pry 4 is still my best. Most of my friends from primary school that I still keep in touch with were from that class. I remember the first time I voluntarily answered a question in class. We were asked to make a sentence with the word cat. I had just finished one of those Janet and John books (not necessarily Janet and John) and in the story a cat ate from a plate but by the picture in the book the cat was licking the plate. So I raised my hand almost confidently. The teacher looked at my direction and called my name. “The cat is licking the plate,” I said. I don’t know why or how but it sort of took the class by storm as they all responded in unison, “Hun?” At this time, I prayed for the ground to open and swallow me. In retrospect, if the ground did open, then I would have fallen into the class below, my Pry 2 class. Anyway, the teacher made me repeat myself twice more before they all got a hang of what I had been saying. Afterwards, my class took about 5 minutes laughing and falling off their seats after I had dramatised what I was trying to say by pretending to be licking my right hand back and forth. Even my teacher, about the best I’ve ever had, did not spare me. They all laughed so hard that I never answered any question till we all got promoted. To date, I am not sure I have answered up to 10 questions in class, even if I was dead sure I knew the answer.

Going to what happened yesterday…

I walked into my CTO’s office for something I had asked him when I saw this familiar face. I left and returned shortly to ask if the name of the lady he had just spoken to is “K?” “Yes,” he replied. “Is there a problem?” I said there was not and asked if he knew where she had gone and he informed me that she’s the sister of one of the guys on IT with us. I actually thought he was pulling my legs: at the office we call it, “yanking one’s crank.” I ran to the IT guy’s office and asked him if they were blood and he confirmed it to me. I still thought he was trying to yank my crank then I asked him what primary school he attended and he said Staff School. At this, I jumped off my skin. His sister was one of my best friends in Pry 4 at Staff School! ‘K…’

She was such a very queer babe with a mind of her own. At that tender age, she had known to do what ever she wanted without fear or favour. I would never forget the day she came to class with Ijebu garri with peanuts and cold water from her water bottle. She set the delicacy proudly on her desk during break and chewed away at all the “oohs” and “aahs” we were throwing. She said she usually did it at home and had no problem doing it in school. She was so serious with her lunch that she finished and went out to rinse the bowl she had used. The following week, another classmate brought eba with egusi soup. When we tried to mock him, he quickly referred to K and told us to keep quiet but he broke when we persisted. As soon as K returned after break, she was told about it and suddenly swung into action against the class.

This was in Pry 4. We were in Pry 6 together in the same class but this was the experience that burned into my memory. It’s 19 years later and I can still remember everything as if it had just happened yesterday. We chatted for sometime and I asked her if her mom was still finer than herself. I always thought her mother was totally beautiful because she was warm, friendly and very slim. I love them slim. She laughed and said she was still fine but not necessarily finer than herself. When I asked her about the light green 504 she used to pick us all up, she smiled shyly and said you have an unimaginable memory.

All trunks are jammed, please don’t bother!

Posted in 9ja, Blogroll, Economy, Pecularities, Telecoms, world on January 5, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

I had just signed in to my Yahoo IM when the Yahoo Insider page popped up. It was about network congestion in New York during this Yuletide. You can read it up, if you like: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080104/ap_on_hi_te/text_messaging_networks.

Well, it got me thinking about the entire buzz about networks in the West and stuff. In Nigeria, where networks have to be first sanctioned before they can consider performing, it’s not so bad since in Yankee it doesn’t work when you most need it.

I know you want to argue that their system is better than ours because they have been in the business longer and have far more subscribers than we do. But then, if you drive a Bentley and I drive a Buick, what difference does it make when they both breakdown. We are both immobilised! We were just warming up to GSM when the IBB (Ikeja Bomb Blast) sad event took place in ’01. I am not sure we have recorded such mayhem that would cause the entire nation and the world to shiver but try Yankee and you go fear fear! And there have been many complaints that telecoms systems fail at such critical times over there. I strongly believe we need to better our systems here; though, not because I expect the 3rd Mainland Bridge to collapse but i don’t mind receiving a text that Adedibu is dead.

However, my line is this: in 9ja, before we say “Ndukwe,” we compare ourselves to the West and Rest. Is it to mean that having known that we are arguably the most peculiar people on earth, we can’t move without comparing ourselves to others? We don compare so tey, we dey compare our main roads to Ghana and Cotonou own. Well, who no go no know. I’d advice that we investigate well enough before we make any system, people or country a rallying point.

The US see themselves as the police of the world but they record more domestic crimes than most other countries on CNN. Yet they render many homes childless by many senseless wars they have no business with. Wetin concern Oyibo with bleaching cream? No be say them even correct. Ibo people say na “mere mere n’iru gwompiti n’azu.”

I am not saying we should not look up to those ahead of us but we don’t have to look down on ourselves while we are at it: it’s too self-demeaning! I wonder why I am bothering myself when you won’t make any sense of this. Or, would you really start to see us a people capable of the solutions to our problems? Send me a text, if you feel me!

Starting out…

Posted in Culture, Economy, Life, Myself, Work on January 2, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

It’s the second day of the year and at 23:39 (GMT +1) Naija time ‘am still at work!

I have told myself that I must make a very firm decision about my time disbursement and management. The worst part is that I don’t readily agree that I’m a workaholic. The truth is I’m scarcely less busy; I never stop reading actually. And when ‘am not reading then I am doing something with my time; and I grew up thinking sleep was for the lazy! Besides, I don’t really read what people read. I, somehow, always find myself doing something only a few even know about, let alone, read or do.

Anyways, I just made this new friend. Some of you guys may know her by blog, Pamela Stitch. She thought she knew me but it turned out to be my name sake and childhood friend she knew but then we got talking and stuff anyway. We’ve been chatting for long hours (in 2 days) like we had known each other from before ‘cause our history brushed past each other’s somehow but that girl should just quit everything and go and join EFCC. She thinks ‘am “yahoo yahoo”: can y’all imagine that? I told her I was gonna tell everyone this, be very careful if you get to chat with her because she no go yarn pem but you go don tell your mama middle name sef. Anyway, I told stuff about me that are really harmless but the way the chick take lock up ehn, na only at gun point she fit tell you her state of origin for Naija.

But seriously, I truly need ideas on what (other) constructive stuff a young man can do with his time. I have given all my time to work and achieving personal goals that ‘am starting to think that I might be pushing myself too far. Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all eccentric. I have more room in me than you can imagine: I do extra long hours in the office EVERYDAY but not at all for myself! (I will tell you that on another blog.) I haven’t sealed off my NY resolutions list yet so, your advice will definitely help. To give you a clue, my utmost priority is to become better by the minute in everything I do. I am a very loyal, deeply family-oriented guy. I love like a fool! People say I am smart yet they pick ten thousand holes in most things I say so I truly don’t believe them anymore. So if you have tips on getting smarter, please forward them to me as well.

Finally, anybody wey know Pamela Stitch, make dem go tell am say I no be YY boy abeg. I dey work like jacky for my money! Cheers.

Can Greed save Africa?

Posted in 9ja, Africa, Blogroll, Culture, Economy, Life, Politics, world on January 1, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

Happy New Year everyone! I have decided to contribute mainly to issues that will better the life of Nigerians, and Africans in general. My targets include self-esteem, determination, independence, intuition, education etc. Anyway, I was referred to an article on Newsweek on Africa. I read it and for once, truly, I could not react in any definite way. I just know I was not particular enthused by the glaring truth. But then, it’s not as if Ihave any low-hanging fruits that can turn the country towards being an economic miracle: at least, not in the next ten years.

The article will follow below the next few lines, but I need to understand how you feel about it when you are done reading it. Don’t worry your head if you find your self reading it more than 2ce. I did, in fact, read it like 5 times yet i have no response to it. Here we go; knock yourself out!

It isn’t easy for Masoud Alikhani to check on his investment. The Iranian-born Briton owns a facility in Mozambique that turns jatropha, a hardy, drought-resistant plant, into biodiesel. An October visit starts with an 11-hour flight from London, his home base, to Johannesburg. From there he jumps into a four-seat Piper Seneca II for a wobbly three-hour flight to Maputo, Mozambique’s capital, during which one of the passengers, this writer, gets violently ill. On landing at Maputo’s airport, where soldiers stand guard on the roof, Alikhani spends an hour wading through the bureaucratic muck of visa clearance and immunization checks. Then it’s back on the plane for a 90-minute flight along the Indian Ocean coast to the province of Inhambane. At the 7-Eleven-size airport there, Alikhani is met by his brother and business partner, Said, for a 90-minute drive past wayward livestock and random brush fires to the village of Inhassune. At the end of a long dirt road, on a vast tract of reclaimed scrubland, sits the Alikhanis’ massive biofuel complex. They try to visit every two months.

The brothers are among a growing cadre of intrepid investors looking for treasure in the 30-plus sub-Saharan African nations stretching from Mauritania and Somalia in the north to the continent’s southern tip. There’s no blueprint for this kind of investing: The best opportunities must be dreamed up and then created from scratch. The Alikhanis saw upside in a fallow cotton plantation. In Nigeria, U.S.-based private equity firm Emerging Capital Partners last year helped acquire an abandoned factory in hopes of supplying the continent with desperately needed fertilizer. South Africa-based microlender Blue Financial Services, energized by an investment from Wall Street last year, now has 171 branches in nine countries, with offices opening soon in Rwanda, Cameroon, Swaziland, and elsewhere. All told, at least $2.6 billion in private equity deals have been struck this year in the region (excluding more-developed South Africa), nearly seven times the 2005 figure.

This is the investing world’s final frontier, so undeveloped and impoverished that it makes other extreme emerging markets like Colombia and Vietnam seem like marvels of modernity. Airports open and close arbitrarily. Roads are often unpaved and clogged. Gasoline and diesel are scarce, and rolling blackouts common. The medical precautions are even more forbidding: Traveling to mosquito-infested interiors requires a round of injections and weeks of antimalarial pills that often induce hallucinations.

In many ways, Africa’s economic situation seems hopeless. While $625 billion in foreign aid has poured in since 1960, there has been no rise in the region’s per capita gross domestic product, notes William R. Easterly, economics professor at New York University. What’s more, from 1976 to 2000, Africa’s share of global trade dropped to 1%, from an already negligible 3%. The U.N.’s scale of human development, which considers health, education, and economic well-being, ranks 34 African nations among the world’s 40 lowest. Thus far, foreign aid hasn’t made a dent.

Greed, however, might. Thanks to the global commodities boom of the past few years, sub-Saharan Africa’s economies, after decades of stagnation, are expanding by an average of 6% annually—twice the U.S. pace. And like bees to honey, investors are swarming into the region in search of the enormous returns that ultra-early-stage investments can bring. Blue Financial, for example, has already netted its early private equity backers a ninefold gain thanks to the 385% rise in its stock since its October, 2006, initial public offering in Johannesburg. Emerging Capital Partners has bought all or part of 42 African companies this decade and cashed out of 18, with gains on their investments averaging 300%. “The money we can make is matchless,” says Emerging Capital Partners CEO Thomas R. Gibian, a former Goldman Sachs (GS) banker.

The region’s public stock markets are attracting foreign investors, too.

Stocks in resource-rich nations such as Botswana, Nigeria, Zambia, and many others are rising to record highs. In recent months, investment bank UBS (UBS) and others have published thick reports on Africa’s investing opportunities, hailing as a major virtue the fact that markets there don’t move in tandem with those of the rest of the world.

Demand for African stocks is so robust, in fact, that it has created a bottleneck. Because these markets are tiny and illiquid—Zambia’s total market value is just $2 billion—foreigners can’t pile in all at once. Those who don’t want to wait on the sidelines must find their own opportunities away from the stock exchanges. “The private equity skill set is really in demand here,” says Gibian. His firm has invested more than $400 million in sub-Saharan Africa this year, vs. $325 million in the previous six years combined.

Of course, these investors may well be courting disaster. International monitors consistently place the region in the lowest tier of their rankings for business friendliness. Some governments, such as that of Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe, expropriate assets outright, while others bleed businesses dry over time. If those problems don’t do lasting damage to an investment portfolio, a commodities crash certainly would. A mass exodus of investors would snuff out Africa’s flickering progress in a hurry—not only its GDP growth but also the burgeoning informal economy that isn’t counted in official statistics: backyard and roadside businesses that have suddenly arisen to tap the continent’s growing income.

Many African leaders have come to regard private investment as the only route to sustainable economic development. “Investors put their money down for what they will get as a profit,” says John Agyekum Kufuor, Ghana’s President, in his palace in the capital city of Accra: “It’s business.” Botswana President Festus Gontebanye Mogae even appealed directly to private equity and hedge fund managers during a September trip to New York. Over time, these leaders hope, the benefits accruing from private investment will give locals more of a vested interest in the permanence of historically volatile institutions—governments, currencies, banks—and put sub-Saharan Africa on a path to self-sufficiency. But for that to happen, the region must first prove that it can be hospitable to cold-eyed investors.

Masoud Alikhani is no moral crusader; he thinks the “We Are the World” movement of the 1980s, which sought donations to end African hunger, “made beggars of whole nations.” The burly 66-year-old is among the new wave of investors at the tenuous nexus of venture capital and agribusiness in Africa. Five months ago he pitched a large hedge fund in New York on the merits of ESV Biofuels, as his company is called. The fund’s partners agreed to take a tour of the facility in January. “We are capitalists and opportunists,” says Alikhani. “We are doing this to make money. That’s the only way to help.”

Mozambique, one of the poorest and most neglected places in the world, seems frozen in time. After wresting independence from Portugal in 1975, the nation was ravaged by a civil war in which more than 1 million of its citizens were killed, maimed, or displaced. An uneasy peace arrived only in 1992. Since then the country has been on the tumultuous path to economic liberalization, alternating between double-digit growth and recession. More than three-quarters of its people remain desperately poor. Yet as Alikhani watches children pick through dumpsters outside Maputo’s airport, he sees only upside. “Mozambique,” he says, “is booming.”

With a degree in agroeconomics, Alikhani seems most comfortable when ticking off facts about crop yields and other arcana. He earned his Wall Street bona fides during stints as a trader at Prudential and Lehman Brothers (LEH) in the 1980s. From 1993 to 1998, he was CEO of a steel, metals, energy, and agribusiness concern in emerging Russia.

Today, in addition to his ESV duties, Alikhani holds board seats at three small, publicly listed commodities companies, including a diamond miner.

But ESV is a whole other bag of seeds. Last year, it bought a long-abandoned cotton plantation in a malaria-laden stretch of Mozambican bush, grabbing 27,000 acres with a lease for 198,000 more. It expects to plant nearly 17,000 acres, harvest its first jatropha seeds, and press its first batch of oil by this time next year. Assuming the Alikhanis and their two other partners succeed in wooing outside investors, ESV could break even by 2011—and sooner if biofuel prices keep rising.

Already, ESV has become the province’s biggest private employer, with a staff of 620. Locals who hadn’t earned money in years are making from $60 a month to as much as $2,000 for managers. “When we started, we told people it is a startup, a cash-eating animal,” says Said Alikhani. “The faster we begin production, the sooner the benefits come to all.”

Inhassune’s revival is already under way. Mosquito control, power lines, and potable water have quickly arisen from a barren stretch of bush. “I’d be the last person in the history books to go down as a philanthropist,” says Renier van Rooyen, ESV’s South African on-site manager. “But you cannot run a business when your workers are out with malaria or sick from dirty water.” On a warm weeknight, villagers greet the season’s first rainfall with dancing and singing. “There was nothing here before,” shouts Ineve, a fieldworker, over beating drums. Others proudly brandish newly issued government ID cards. ESV employees have been lining up behind the schoolhouse for hours to register to vote for the first time in their lives.

Women stand out as the most eager beneficiaries of the ESV experiment. Many walk as far as five miles each way to get to the plantation. (The Alikhanis say they plan to import bicycles from London.) Women are also disproportionately willing to budget the time and money to tend small patches of onions, maize, and papayas, which they sell at Inhassune’s new 20-stall marketplace. In a nation haunted by AIDS, “women who work are not subordinate to the will of men with risky behaviors,” says Pablo Smango, a public-health inspector in Beira, Mozambique’s second largest city. “They control more of their own destiny.”

PROMISE AND PERIL

The most obvious investing opportunity in Africa lies in its most pressing need: food. The continent supports one-seventh of the world’s population and holds nearly a quarter of its land. But according to UBS, sub-Saharan Africa produces just $178 worth of goods per agricultural acre, compared with $457 in Latin America and $1,077 in Asia. A crippling fertilizer shortage is the main problem.

Emerging Capital Partners, the biggest U.S. private equity firm operating in Africa, sees opportunity there. Among its most daring investments is a $35 million stake in Notore Chemicals, a massive fertilizer project in the oil-producing Niger Delta, home to daily kidnappings and an ongoing armed rebellion. Government graft and neglect ran the 12-year-old plant aground in 1999; Emerging Capital bought its stake in the shuttered facility in 2006. “The government figured a dollar in its pocket was more valuable than the $10 it would make by fixing the conveyor belt,” says Genevieve L. Sangudi, a 31-year-old Tanzanian-born, Columbia University-educated MBA who shuttles in from her home in Washington to oversee Emerging Capital’s portfolio.

A trip to Notore’s facilities in the heart of the Delta shows both the promise and the peril of investing there. The first leg of the journey is to Lagos, Nigeria’s commercial capital of 15 million, as dysfunctional and chaotic a city as any on earth. Packed minibuses sit bumper to bumper on overburdened highways as beggars tap windows in search of charity. The landscape is dotted with barbed-wire fences and burning piles of trash. “If someone in Lagos sees a pothole,” goes a local saying, “he doesn’t ask why it isn’t filled, or where to find the gravel to fill it. He wonders: Where can I buy tires big enough to ride over the pothole?’”

It takes two hours to travel the 18 miles from the airport to the Protea Kuramo Waters hotel, a high-gated, diesel-generated fortress where, because of the chronic lodging shortage in the city, occupancy is reluctantly granted at $500 a night, a sum that doesn’t guarantee a working toilet.

The next stop in Notore’s private airplane is Port Harcourt, a bleak Delta city an hour away. The locals here have endured years of neglect at the hands of multinational oil companies and government officials easily bribed out of enforcing environmental regulations. Natural gas, a valuable by-product of oil drilling, is simply burned off in open flares, further darkening the Delta’s wretched air. “The Delta is now Nigeria’s biggest risk,” says Bolaji Balogun, 40, founder and CEO of Lagos investment bank Chapel Hill Advisory Partners. “It needs its own Marshall Plan.”

Emerging Capital and Notore want to redirect natural gas to a more beneficial use: nitrogen fertilizer, of which natural gas is the main ingredient. “You cannot let this humongous asset waste away while Nigeria flares gas and imports fertilizer,” says Onajite P. Okoloko, Notore’s 41-year-old chief executive. The Delta native shakes his head as he recalls his father and uncle blaming God instead of tired soil when their maize and fruit crops wouldn’t grow for consecutive seasons. “Half of Nigeria’s economy is agriculture,” he says. And yet “70% of the country sits on arable but poorly used land. Do the math.”

`AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY’

On their arrival at Port Harcourt’s tiny airport, Okoloko and Sangudi are greeted by a former U.S. Special Forces operative turned mercenary for Notore. He ferries the group into a double-armored SUV. At the airport’s exit, a local armed guard jumps in. “Welcome,” he says, clutching a machine gun. A flatbed pickup truck with five more armed guards leads the nervous procession.

The 1,380-acre Notore facility, rusting and overgrown with weeds, sits in a marsh surrounded by gas flares. The decrepitude belies Emerging Capital’s tall plans for the plant: By next year, Notore will become the only nitrogen-based fertilizer producer in sub-Saharan Africa, going from zero output to 600,000 tons per year of high-grade urea pellets. Okoloko is looking to hire 1,000 locals. Having locked in a 20-year gas contract on favorable terms, Notore will produce its fertilizer at less than $100 a ton; the market price is $350 to $450. “It’s stronger and cheaper than much of what you find in the West,” says Sangudi. “An amazing opportunity.” “We want to compete internationally,” adds Okoloko. “But we have to take care of Nigeria and Africa first.”

Sangudi will be moving from Washington to Lagos in a few months, another young financier flocking to the region. Bankers and buyout shops—from Renaissance Capital and Morgan Stanley (MS) to Deutsche Bank (DB) and JPMorgan Chase (JPM)—are piling in, trying to one-up each other by offering huge signing bonuses for local talent. “The capital coming in is blind,” says one of Sangudi’s friends, who works for a big private equity rival. “It needs my eyes.” The influx is worsening an already dire housing shortage. Owners of decent apartments in Lagos now demand as much as three years’ rent in advance. Sangudi notes with bemusement that leasing a two-bedroom unit could set her back as much as $80,000. “There is serious money to be made here,” she says.

Agriculture isn’t sub-Saharan Africa’s only investment draw. Microlending—the making of small, unsecured loans to ordinary people—is bringing in big profits for a raft of publicly traded companies all across the continent. Blue Financial is among a new breed of so-called salary-microlenders, which make loans only to formally employed borrowers and take payments directly from their paychecks. The set-up helps Blue manage its risks: Bad loans are only in the 3%-to-4% range, remarkably low in a part of the world where fewer than one in five people has a bank account.

Unlike its peers, however, Blue has turned a relatively small Wall Street investment into rocket fuel. Early last year it secured $15 million from insurance giant American International Group (AIG). The deal gave AIG a 23% stake in Blue and two board seats—and gave Blue the imprimatur of a Wall Street titan. Blue expanded its operation from three nations to nine in a year. That burst set the stage for Blue’s IPO last October—fresh capital that has spurred even faster growth.

Blue has also turned its equity into a critical component of its lending process. It uses the cachet of its AIG stake and surging stock price to coax cheap capital from development banks like International Finance Corp. and the Netherlands Development Finance Co. “Our equity investors give us leverage,” says David van Niekerk, Blue’s 34-year-old founder and CEO. “All of a sudden, knocking on doors has become a hell of a lot easier. You have to play that trump card.” Blue keeps its cost of capital low—around 14.5%—and loans money in the 20% to 30% per year range, a fraction of local interest rates. Brisk demand for loans has sent its revenues jumping 140% this year as earnings per share have soared 400%.

On a chilly October morning, van Niekerk, tanned and dressed in a crisp peach-colored oxford shirt, looks more like a playboy than a financier. He’s aboard the company’s swank eight-seat jet for a trip to branches in Botswana and Zambia. The plane lands in Gaborone, a global diamond hub near the Kalahari Desert that’s plastered with ads from local loan sharks. Thebo, an electrician, waits outside Blue’s branch practicing his lines. He’s in the market for a home-improvement loan, in a race against the soaring cost of cement. “I need this,” he says. “I can’t afford to stop buying petrol and food just to work on my house.” Behind him is an ad for funeral insurance. Botswana is full of reminders of mortality; AIDS afflicts up to a third of its adult population. Van Niekerk goes into the back office to check on a row of salary-verification agents who typically approve applicants within an hour.

By lunchtime, the jet is off to Livingstone, Zambia, a tourist hub near the breathtaking Victoria Falls. In town, branch manager Calculus Siachono reports that Blue’s business is brisk. He notes with pride that a local man is making a fortune building and selling oxcarts and is on his fourth loan.

Some complain that Blue’s salary-based lending does nothing to help unemployed or informal workers. Critics also argue that Blue takes advantage of its borrowers by, essentially, mortgaging their future labor. “It’s indentured servitude,” says Wagane Diouf, a native Senegalese who runs AfriCap Investment, a private equity firm that invests in microfinance companies that don’t use paycheck deduction. Van Niekerk counters that Blue has no recourse if a borrower loses his job, and that Blue’s development-bank financing stipulates that its lending can’t be abusive. “Why would we jeopardize that?” he asks. One financier says salary microlending is hastening economic evolution. “Pioneers in African banking collect high fees. But others will come in to compete, and eventually the banks will buy them all out—and everyone’s borrowing costs fall.”

That result won’t come to pass, of course, if Africa’s inexperienced borrowers turn out to be worse credit risks than microlenders anticipate. But the case of Mercy Mubanga, a 52-year-old grandmother, widow, and breadwinner for a family of eight, offers hope. She earns $185 a month as a police department secretary in the township of Maramba, in southern Zambia. Thanks to three loans from Blue—at progressively lower interest rates—she has tripled her income by moonlighting as a backyard poultry farmer, raising chickens to sell in the village market. After paying for a tin roof and hiring two men to expand her coop, Mubanga now seeks another loan to double her flock, school her two grandchildren, and perhaps build an extension on her tiny house. “We really must have more space,” she says, rocking her 2-year-old granddaughter.

New York investment bank Nova Capital Partners helped make Mubanga’s transformation possible. The seven-year-old boutique has found a profitable niche lining up financing for African companies. In early 2006, Blue hired Nova to find a Wall Street backer. Nova, aware that AIG’s money managers were looking to expand its Africa portfolio, made the case for Blue—and scored the investment. That cash, in turn, made possible Mubanga’s loans and many others. But Nova’s bankers are unsentimental. “We’re driven by what our investors want—returns,” says Nova Senior Partner David S. Levin, ripping into a crab cake at New York’s Palm West restaurant. “There’s only so much time to do this before everyone else gets in.”

Roben Farzad: roben_farzad@businessweek.com

What do you really think: are his arguments true or false? Can we really find redemption through the greed of others? Lemme know your thoughts.

Come 2008

Posted in Blogroll on January 1, 2008 by Chijioke Ezeh

This is s simple plain invitation to all who care. I will resume (almost) daily blogging from the first day of the year!

I will endeavour to be very truthful and interesting so you never get bored reading me ok?

cheers.

Marriage: a societal obligation?

Posted in Culture, Life, Love, Marriage, Relationship on May 9, 2007 by Chijioke Ezeh

Recently, I was reading a recent edition of Awake! by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s the one about moral decadence and stuff. It brought something to my mind; what had been bugging me for a while now. It was actually the topic of discussion among my friends and I some weeks ago. I remember once on a local TV, Inside Out with Agatha Amata, it was discussed openly with guests. I don’t remember exactly who said what but there were arguments in support of the action, but in the favour of men. It’s extra-marital affairs. I can’t say if this occurs where you are but there are reports that these are on the steady rise around the world.

I understand when people say marriage requires maturity. I completely agree. I only have an issue with maturity itself. What does it mean to be mature? I would easily agree if it’s said to be a process given the changes in human life. But does the maturity for marriage entail the shameless betrayal of vows and the uncanny demand for allegiance and faithfulness of spouses. I believe what is good for the goose is good for the gander, and most would agree too. So, I ask myself why this is so bloody rampant these days.

I must admit here that I have played my dirty part in this shame. I can’t exonerate myself from it; I’d be telling a big lie. In any case, I didn’t originate any of my involvements. It only happened that there were needs that I helped fulfill, of which I still feel guilty by association and I am sorry. To me, the real issue is, why start something you can’t keep with? Why get married if one can’t stay in it. It’s so stale to find married men with single women in sexual compromise. Since there’s no crime in being single, or having children outside marriage why then get married and ’sleep out’? Some men even abandon their families for their ‘girlfriends’. I don’t how good that feels when compared to the woman leaving for a much younger man: may be her own son’s age. Some other men believe that once they provide for the home and service their wives, then there’s no need to complain. Can the woman trade places with the man, or service her husband and carry on to other men since she has performed her duty as a wife? Ask any man this.

I believe that marriage has become a societal obligation because it’s the society that really bothers younger ones to get married. Yet, the same society openly condones the moral decadence within it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not calling for a perfect society but what is the point in pressuring people to get married if there’s no encouragement to uphold it. Parents advise their children to get married without having left (m)any good reasons and examples to foster a good union. The funniest part of this is that the men who cheat on their wives, especially with far younger women, insist on the fidelity of wives to them and can readily shoot any man who goes near their daughters. I have this friend who ‘celebrated’ his last day as a bachelor with a woman other than his proposed wife and started sleeping out the same week of his wedding!

To most women, “men are dogs” and men just simply agree in character. But then, these “dogs” are not homosexuals. Women help make them what they are so, who’s fooling who? Worse off, this has fed the mentality of most women I know. To them, a faithful man is a perfect pretender. Do men also look out for a homely “bitch” to take care of the home and kids? I wonder.

“Senior, lemme not lie”

Posted in Memories on March 30, 2007 by Chijioke Ezeh

I don’t know where this guy might be today. He didn’t finish in Command like we did. I don’t think anyone would have noticed his absence at all because he was a very invisible fellow, even among his friends. But he had great use when it came to breaking the rules. He seemed to have the duty schedule of soldiers on guard as he was hardly ever caught outside school. And thanks to Command, if you were not caught red-handed, then you were innocent, but a suspect. He always had a way with crime and was always lucky with the authorities.

I still have very clear, and fond, memories of him. Radios were contraband. He had 2: one AM only and one AM/FM. This was at the beginning of the advent of 24 hours radio broadcast in Nigeria: Ray Power 100.5 FM was championing the cause then. Sunday and Wednesday nights where the days love songs were played on the programme Soul Serenade. We would gather round his radio and chitchat till past lights out. Sometimes, I would fantasize away in the serenity of the dark, quiet dormitory. Occasionally, we would be dispersed by senior students but that didn’t deter our ‘happy moments’ because Command was really rough. The motto should have being “Knowledge and discipline by force”. Too many times we scuttled away from seniors leaving behind our dear radio (the one with FM) but he never did. Not that he loved listening to it that much. His favourite station was Radio Nigeria an AM only station at the time but he never left it behind. I guess it was his point of contact, and importance. He also came in handy when we were too scared to risk jumping the school fence to get food outside, yet too hungry to bear it.

He had great use in deed but never in times of trouble. He never had the heart to take whipping from seniors, or the authorities so, we permanently ensured not to get caught in the net with him. Though, we could never be too careful. He would give anyone up without a thought and, surprisingly, never hid the fact that he gave up people almost voluntarily. Fortunately, all my stints with him were without the authorities.

The real reason I write this today is his stereo-type confession: “Senior, lemme not lie…” then the rest is history. I even recall how he would raise his mended right hand as though he was responding to a classroom question. I still remember him with warmth. Not that we were best of friends of any sort but there was something strange about him; that which I still know not. I truly hope this life treats him very well. If you ever run into him, please give him all my regards. And tell him that I appreciate knowing him. His name is Elijah Adekunle.

Current political scenario in 9ja

Posted in 9ja, Politics on March 26, 2007 by Chijioke Ezeh

I have numerously tried to ignore the current political scenario in my home country, Nigeria. You might not take sides with me but 9ja is the greatest place on earth, believe me. I’m not about to paint the natural resources picture here, or the massive deposits of human resources, and energy. I only intend to share how I have been handling the incessant surprising displays of the uses of a few of our human endowments.

In my opinion, this is the best time for movie makers to make award-winning stories and movies. At the end of this yarn, you would see why. I’d want to take us back to the penultimate political transition.

I bet you remember the 1993 SDP vs. NRC national competition. Remember that late guy MKO Abiola. Good. Did you ever know that Abubakar Atiku a.k.a. Turakin stepped down for him just before the elections. If you also remember, the NRC presidential hunter, Tofa, is/was Hausa. Had the elections gone that way, we would have been stranded in a no-choice solution with a Northerner. (Un)Fortunately for Kashimawo (literal meaning: ‘let’s keep watching’), he watched his days thin out into a cell and an unbelievable six-footer. If you want to sympathise with him, you might want to investigate the rumour of his involvement in the 11-year civil war in Liberia. I also heard that was he was in sync (about Liberia) with the guy who ensured he remained messed till death, Baba (if you put ‘ngida’ na u sabi). My extraction here’s simple; if Tura had been perfectly in the shoes of the guy he stepped down for, I want to believe that the June 12 alibi might not have existed, or, better still, existed as an ‘aboki’ matter.

As regards June 12 (as an alibi), AD had endorsed late Funso Williams as their gubernatorial marksman, then, from nowhere, the thug trafficker, Bola A Tinubu, shows up with June 12 in one hand and, I believe, the story of him being a descendant of the historical Tinubu babe that salvaged Lagos or something similar. (I will check my social sciences text book to find out what she did exactly. You can check it too; it’s one of the Macmillan series.) He tells the story about how he was steadfast to ‘June 12’ and Williams defected when late Abacha had guns and cash to every politically meaningful head in Nigeria. I don’t remember ever coming across BAT, except recently. Who knows, he might have been there, but meaningless. But Believe it guys, that’s how Williams lost out. And remained lost thereafter. Now, he’s lost forever by his family who still shamelessly and fearfully root for the party that stripped them of their last chance of a political compensation, or so it seems. Today, Tinubu’s biggest challenge is how to get rid of his own mistake, raising Obanikoro. (In secondary school, ‘Koro’ meant to sneak or dodge away from a senior. ‘Obanikoro’ in mumbo-jumbo terms would then mean ‘King of sneaking,’ which he showed when he switched parties and worked his way to such a deeply contended job of Lagos state governorship candidate; that Ogunlewe, Bode George and Williams (R.I.P.) had sought for and lost.) Okay.

On the national scene, I see a repeat broadcast of the last of the Abacha days when Generals and other senior rednecks stooped for recognition before Abacha’s CSO, Major Mustapha. If they had foresight, or true self discipline, they would not have entertained us by their acrobatics of prostrating and pleading on national TV! Previously serious-minded men like Ribadu, Bayo Ojo and Iwu are now entertaining us again by their inglorious attitude about who the ‘Bastard’ or ‘Born Bastard’ is, because both Abu and Segun are guilty as they hide. The head cannot move without the consent of the neck. The most annoying part of this charade is that we know the back-ends of this whole trash. I need to understand what these guys are loosing their hard-earned integrity for because that beats me. I admit.

I would have understood if this was a vendetta based on June 12 but Segsy and Luku-luku MKO were hardly friends when MKO was alive and who would he have avenged on, the guy who stepped down, or what? I think what we have up there; no, down there because these guys are simply lucky fools in power: what we have down there is similar to what we’d have seen in a blend of Jack Bauer’s 24 and Michael Scofield’s Prison Break. Don’t get me wrong, I seriously mean to extricate the pure entertainment purpose of TV not the wisdom or expertise it requires to produce such classics.

To me, this is the point in a movie where you think why the bad guys can’t come together and negotiate a sharing formula of their spoils and figure how to enlarge their cults and keep a tab on their secrets. Well, I must thank my God for greed, distrust and stupidity. They may be all these animals need to get themselves to their proposed destination, HELL on earth.

I deliberately ignored the others like Buhari, Adedibu, Akala, Orji, Ebe ano Nnamani, banker Pedro, Ojukwu e.t.c. they form the part of the movie that do not count initially but gain importance in the analyses. Things like crew members and cinemas where the movies premiered.